dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
