I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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