I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
