On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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