I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
