when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
