She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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