No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We smell like vodka and hangover
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
