Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
