i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
