Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
