Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
