i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
