And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
