This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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