I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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