Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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