return my video game
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
