What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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