I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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