We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
