It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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