We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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