Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
