Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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