Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
