I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just found a bag of teeth...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
