i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
