I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
