idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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