Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
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Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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