On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
