I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
