I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
