RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
