people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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