We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
