Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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