Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
