i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
