So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
