The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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