I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
