He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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