If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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