i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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