1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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