Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
