I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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