feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
