thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
