I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
