girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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