If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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