are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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