Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
