WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
