Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
