Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
