He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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