I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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