I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
