i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
