what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
