Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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