I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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