All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So squirting runs in the family.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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