Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
