I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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