I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
