Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize