Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
