that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
