They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
