hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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