I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I intend to get homeless drunk
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
