I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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