Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
