Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
