Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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