Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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