Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
